The Basement Bomber Manifesto: Part 1
by: Anthony Roberts
For those of you that have been following me in the world of bodybuilding for the past 10 years or so, my name is Anthony Roberts Connors. I’ve used various names and pseudonyms in bodybuilding forums since roughly 2005, mostly as an alter ego to masculate myself, after being dropkicked by my father and enabled by my mother. You see, being a limp dick in real life is no fun, so I thought that hiding behind my computer, as a digital avatar on prostaglandin would raise me up. Sadly, as you can see by what’s happened to me here on Steroidtime.com and my other websites…I got pwned. Actually, you might call it an epic fail. So, I decided to post my mea culpa and let the world know I’m a bigger man than anyone thinks.
A bit of history: I joined all the top forums based in the US, South Africa, Canada and the UK, and it was easy at first to make people like me, where I appeared knowledgeable, especially on the subject of supplements and steroids. Steroids, it would seem, not only make you an excellent athlete, but they also turn you into an expert liar, which is a craft I have mastered.
The key is to make it appear that you are giving good advice in the form of comments and suggestions, and build a following. I started out with a nice group of people who listened to my advice. I came across as an expert at first, and felt quite respected, although I myself knew deep down inside that I was a douche bag. And soon thereafter people started questioning some of my advice. My responses or lack thereof, started to upset a few people, and that’s when the shit started to hit the fan.
It was soon revealed that I, Anthony Roberts, was not the big swinging dick of the steroid world, but just Anthony Robert Connors, who was born on Christmas Day in 1977, and lived with my dear old mom in Hasbrouk Heights, New Jersey. That could be forgiven of course – not the place, but the name change. Nobody wants the Feds bashing down your mom’s front door at 3am do they? So I took on a new persona, “Hooker “– the hard-hitting forum maggot that sticks to your shoe like gum and dog shit mixed together. I figured if people didn’t want to love me, starting with me poppa, than I would make them fear me. I would become like the Joker in Batman, only with no respect, and too stupid to figure out how to “watch the city burn.” Instead, I was relegated to my mother’s basement, with dick in hand, and nothing to show for myself, except how to light my own dick on fire.
So, I decided to kick my cocktail of Prozac, Lithium and Depakote, used to calm my drug-fried schizoid brain, and summon Sybil to cook me up another fake personality.
This time I would become a secret genius, fake Mensa credentials, and tell people that “I played professional sports at an all-star level,” or something crazy like that. However, true to form, certain suspicious forum members discovered that the only sport I had ever played, was rugby at Seton Hall, and their rugby program was nothing more than a club sport, and that I had also played for the Bayonne Bombers – a pay to play team. Shit, pwned again.
So let’s get back to me being a steroid expert, because that’s the profile I like most. I wanted to be perceived as an expert on steroids and an advocate for the steroid community, but I kept getting called out on the dangerous inaccuracies of my advice. So then what do I do to teach those bastards a lesson? I turned around and snitched on everyone in the community, exposing them to serious legal repercussions. Yeah, I’m that kind of a shit bag. So I embarked upon a new path, which is how ole Hooker got snookered.
Fast forward to the Houston Division of the United States District Court of the Southern District of Texas. On September 17th 2008 Brian Clapp’s company, Dynamic Sports Nutrition Inc. filed an injunction against me.
After Brian let me live with him, paid my freight, and even let me chill unwashed for days on his sofa, he fired me from www.steroid.com’s network of similar companies. Yeah, I deserved it. I tried to screw him, ruin his reputation, and steal his trade secrets, but nothing else, I swear it…
…Alright, so I did steal Brian’s laptop on my way out of the building, and the court ordered that I was to cease spreading the contents of his hard drive across the internet, which I still violated.
So I got pwned again, got sued by DNSI, and subsequently smacked with a judgment for: $569,065.00 in lost profits, plus an additional $6,090,000.00 in future profits through December 31, 2011. Damn, that’s a lot of toe-tapping blowjobs I’m going to have to give in public restrooms to get myself whole.
Ok, mom, stop yelling at me, I’ll be right up. Hey, gotta go for now, but I’ll be back with the rest of my story, and about how I lost this website.
Stay tuned…
