The NFL has pretty much crushed my “Hourglass” theory and my gooey, cheesy center has risen closer to the top. Well, that’s why they call it a theory. It hadn’t been proven yet and it was actually disproved this Sunday and Monday. So, who has the power in the NFL now? Check how we went from “Hourglass” to “V” in just one week.
1. New Orleans Saints – Give me a convincing argument that this is not the most impressive team you’ve seen in a long time. You can’t. When Drew Brees takes off his helmet and sits down on the sideline after scoring his bazillionth touchdown in every game he looks like he stepped right out the 70’s. It’s like he’s Fran Tarkenton or something. He LOOKS like a legend in his own time. It’s uncanny. When he left San Diego everybody thought his career was over and now he’s Dan Marino. Can he add a ring to his collection and take a step up from Dan Marino to say…Brett Favre? All that remains to be seen, but if you don’t think the Saints are the odds-on favorite to come out of the NFC you’ve completely lost your cottonpickin’ mind.
2. Indy – The Colts are the only other undefeated team in the entire league so it stands to reason that I would have them at #2 (especially considering the rant I went on about math and football in my Tale of Three Undefeateds column. So, here are the Colts and Peyton just trucking along at 7-0. So much for Marvin Harrison (who no one will sign) and so much for Peyton getting old and the defense not being up to the standards set during their title run a few years ago.
{BTW – If Marvin Harrison is this generation’s Art Monk/Jerry Rice/Tim Brown then why will no one sign him? Because people figured out that he is a gun-toting lunatic. He hasn’t been convicted of anything so anything he might have done is alleged and not proven, but someone in the league must have figured something out. That’s all I’m saying.}
So, with Peyton having Antonio Gonzalez and Reggie Wayne to throw to everything seems to be fine. I don’t want to say that they are the odds-on favorite to come out of the AFC because I have some other teams in my sites in a group of favorites.
3. Minnesota Vikings – Clearly Brett Favre is not messing around. This would be the reason he went to two Super Bowls in 3 years and even won one of them. If he keeps this up it’ll be Minnesota and New Orleans in he NFC Title Game. But, I still stand behind my coronation of Drew Brees because wen you watch the Saints they look like they’ll run down the field on you at any minute. When you watch the Vikings you know something great will happen but it’s not as explosive as watching the Saints. Basically, we’re all waiting for Brett to break down, and I for one think the breakdown is coming soon. (Soon enough that they can recover for a playoff run.)
4., 5., 6., 7. Denver, New England, Cincinnati, and Pittsburgh – Here’s my group of AFC Title contenders that can spend the rest of the season fighting with the Colts. New England and Pittsburgh have been relatively quiet for a few weeks and that’s mainly because they’re 5-2, going on about their business, and nobody’s surprised by that. Denver just took a really tough loss to the Ravens and Cincinnati isn’t sneaking up on anyone anymore. Combine all these things and you get a scrum near the top.
Let me ask you a question…If you HAD to pick one of these teams which one would pick? I’m taking Cincinnati (I know the easy choice is New England) but I think Marvin Lewis is the best coach in the league. I know other people are doing great things, but we have to keep it real for a minute. Josh McDaniels is great but he’s got a great organization behind him. Bill Belichick is fine, but he’s done better. Mike Tomlin is great, but he’s also done better. Marvin Lewis is coaching an overall crappy franchise and succeeding. From where I’m standing that’s “Coach of the Year” material.
So, when we’re trying to sort out who’s going to meet Indy in the AFC Title Game we have to think that some of these teams cancel each other out and others have no chance of meeting in a Divisional playoff game so that means Cincy and Pittsburgh probably won’t meet in the playoffs and then the Patriots will get to take out a lower opponent for the Bengals. Now al the Bengals have to do is get through the Patriots (which I think they can do.)
8., 9., Philly and Dallas – If you’re like me then you thought the Eagles were doomed and the Cowboy were utter trash. Well, I was wrong on both counts. Here’s the thing: Dallas has an Achilles heel…Wade Phillips. No matter what flashes of brilliance the Cowboys show they cannot get out from under the shadow of someone whose greatest successes have only come as an interim coach. Be honest. If your coach got fired today and the team brought in Wade Phillips to be the interim you’d feel pretty good about the rest of the season. If they retained him for the next season you’d probably go hang yourself in the shower stall. Wade’s just an “interim” sort of guy. He’s done quite well with it more than once. When Dan Reeves was let go in Atlanta Wade Philips salved the wound with a nice stint as the interim. The one nice year he spent as Head Coach of the Broncos was, essentially, on an interim basis and he did ok. He’s soothing. He’s NOT Vince Lombardi. Maybe they should just permanently make him the interim head coach…I bet the Cowboys would win out.
In Philly someone will eventually have to address the fact that the city hates Donovan McNabb and most people who show up to Eagles games would just assumed see Kevin Kolb in the game. Now, hardly anyone will actually admit to his, but I know it’s out there. I know people think that way. I’m not stupid. I can tell.
In this situation Philly fans are Wayne Brady, Donovan is the “ATM” and if I could give Donovan some advice I’d quote Dave Chappelle “Run bitch, run for your life, get help!”
10. Houston – Listen, I’ve seen a thousand power rankings where Baltimore is in this position. The Texans are hotter than the Ravens and Matt Schaub is playing like a poor man’s Drew Brees. What else do I need to say? If he keeps this up there’s no telling how far this team can go.
11., 12., 13., 14.-15. – Atlanta, Baltimore, Arizona, The New Yorks – This is the slumping group. I mean SLUMPING. If you had to pick which team surprised you the most with their slump you wouldn’t be able to pick one. So, let’s make it easy…none of these teams SHOULD be in a slump. In fact, each one of them should be in the Top 10, but they’ve given way to teams that were not supposed to be better than them. So what’s the problem? Quarterback play. Each one of these teams depends on stellar QB play and each team has a QB in a slump. Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco could be explained away with a “Sophomore Slump”, Kurt Warner could be explained away with age, Mark Sanchez because he’s a rookie, and Eli Manning because he can’t be perfect all the time. Personally, I think that’s a load of s&*^.
Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan are not in Sophomore slumps…they need to buck up and get it together. Mark Sanchez is a rookie in name only. Eli Manning is only slightly less good than his brother and Kurt Warner is about a season and a half from the Hall of Fame. I fully expect each one of these teams to supplant a higher ranked team by the end of the year. (Yes, I know that means I could be predicting things like the AFC Central and that the NFC South will put two teams in the playoffs and yes I know that not all of those things can all happen all at once, but I don’t see how any of these teams can sit stagnant for too long. You know?)
16., 17. – San Diego and Green Bay – I know I said San Diego wasn’t as good as advertised and I was right…this is about where they ought to be. Green Bay is on the rise and though this is still he middle this is a more sturdy middle than they occupied a few weeks ago when my “Hourglass Theory” looked like a good idea. This is mostly due to the fact that Aaron Rodgers is the coolest cat on the block and I’m grading them on potential. San Diego is sitting in the right spot for them I don’t really expect them to go anywhere. With Norv Turner as the head coach and LT only having 1 or 2 TD’s this season I can’t (and won’t) expect much.
18., 19. – Chicago and San Francisco – I’m still not sure how the 49ers ended up here, but I hope Iron Mike Singletary is knocking some heads out by the bay. Chicago, somehow, has a better record than the 49ers and this has got me confused. With Alex Smith being newly re-anointed I would have thought that this team would just take off under him, and it hasn’t. Now I’m left to wonder if he isn’t a leader or if the team isn’t settled yet. That sucks! (In related news, Jay Cutler is NOT a leader and somehow the Bears are 4-3. That’s football for ya.)
20.-32. – All the leftover crap – If your team hasn’t been mentioned yet then the General regrets to inform you that your team sucks. They suck some serious salty balls. They’re so bad that he has no need to mention them directly. Let’s face it: Who am I going to talk about here and say something really creative. Doofgini? I’ve about worn that one out (though I am proud of it.) Talking about Matt Hasselbeck dying on the field? That’s been done to death! Picking on Jake Delhomme? That’s getting old. Constantly misspelling Turrull? (For the record, I’m proud of that one too.) Making fun of Al Davis because he talks to people who aren’t there” (Well, that’s really funny.) Wondering why the Titans didn’t trade Vince Young or start him sooner? (Even Jim Rome thought of that “Great line!”) It’s all crap. Just like the Joker says in the 1989 Batman “Crap…crap…crap.” That’s all I got.
Some NBA Confessions After The Jump…
I will admit to a few errors in NBA judgment…
Alright, I’ll just say it and get it over with:
– The Lakers will not go 82-0.
– The Celtics aren’t THAT old (yet. and I stress yet.)
– The Mavs are pretty good.
– Miami just became a factor in the East
– Phoenix is pretty good too (and apparently Steve Nash told Steve Kerr to get Shaq the hell out of Phoenix or he was next. Anybody want to ish on Kobe for wanting Shaq gone now?
– Washington isn’t that bad (which means Gilbert Arenas is playing well.)
You can’t win ‘em all, can you?
I’m still gonna call it…
The World Series Game 6 comes up tonight. Listen, I know I said that A-Rod is the man and we might as well coronate the Yankees, but I still stand behind that.
The only proof I needed that the Phillies can’t do this was the comment by Cole Hamels (taken out of context about wanting the season to be over) and then Brett Myers acting like a 12 year old and talking smack to his own teammate about said comments that were taken out of context. Brett Myers, just for that you get:
The General’s Stuck on Stupid Award
Congratulations Brett, you’re officially stupid and you probably killed your locker room in the process of being a complete idiot. Next time shut your stupid mouth. UGH!
