The Picks…The NFL on 9/27/09

I've got a big scoreboard and I'm not afraid to use it!

I’m 21-10 for the season, and after I got of to such a good start in Week 1 I am feeling the crunch from Week 2.  Let’s discuss a couple of my losses just to make sure I’ve got this straight.

The 49ers beat Seattle:  I figured out WTRM… Mike Singletary might actually kill players who don’t play hard, because I have no other explanation for this.  Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but this is crazy.  I always respected Mike when he was with the Bears, but this is taking that to a whole new level.

The Bengals beat the Packers:  Who am I kidding?  I give up on both these teams until they emerge with some kind of discernable identity.

The Jets beat the Patriots:  This shows you how competitive I am.  It made me so happy to see the Pats lose (I’m not a fan) and I was still internally pissed that I lost a pick.

Now to the picks for this week…we’ve got some doozies.

Sunday September 27th, 2009

Cleveland @ Baltimore   1 P.M.

Ok, let’s review.  Cleveland stinks, the Ravens do not.  Cleveland can’t stop anybody. Baltimore can stop ANYBODY.  Cleveland has a QB problem (mainly that I think Mangini doesn’t like either one of them) and Baltimore isn’t going to have a QB for at least 12 years. Cleveland’s coach is some film boy that Bill Belichick picked up off the scrap heap (and while I’m all for success stories, that’s what Doofgini is.)  Baltimore’s coach comes from a long history of Football success in his family.  Jamal Lewis is probably going to miss the game.  The Ravens have like 20,000 quality running backs.  Brady Quinn’s going to spend the afternoon on his back.  The only part of Joe Flacco that will hit the ground is his feet.  There’s no two ways about it.

BAL – 27   CLE – 9

Tennessee @ Jets   1 P.M.

Ooh, ooh, ooh! A good game!  There’s no way on earth this one’s a stinker!  I can’t wait!  Tennessee should never have lost to Houston last week and the Jets are on fire.

I like how the Jets are coming of age right before our eyes.  You’ve got Mark Sanchez looking like he’s done this before at QB.  He’s really got that team behind him.  (Basically, he looks just just like Matt Ryan in Atlanta. Have you ever watched a typical Atlanta huddle?  Matty Ice gets down on one knee, looks up at his team and they do NOT move until he stands up.  It’s like he’s the freakin’ King of England!  Mark Sanchez will be there very soon.)

So we have the battle of the bad investments.  Personally, I think Mike Vick wins this one.   He was WAY more talented to begin with.  He spent the past 2 years working out.  He’s won games by himself (my favorite one was the win against Minnesota on Dec. 1 of ’02.  The one where he ran 46 yards for a score and it took about a year because he displayed every bit of athletic prowess he had dodging every Minnesota defender twice.  I remember seeing that play at some old people’s house we were looking at with a realtor.  I locked eyes with the old dude who owned the house after Mike won the game and he just looked at me and said “Well, shoot!”  I think Scott Paoli’s going to be saying the same thing…only he won’t be happy.

PHI – 24   KC – 0

Jacksonville @ Houston   1 P.M.

I don’t like either one of these teams to do anything.  Houston has Matt Schaub and that’s cute or whatever, but what else is there?  Jacksonville has David Garrard and that is also cute…or whatever, but what else is there?

Jacksonville is 0-2.  Houston is 1-1.  If Houston were a good team they’d follow up last week’s good win over the Titans with another, but they’re not a good team.  Based purely on hunger alone (because neither one of these teams is worth analyzing until they actually come with something) then I have to go with the Jags to get their first win.

JAC – 37   HOU – 27

San Francisco @ Minnesota   1 P.M.

Now, you see, if this game had been Week 1 we wouldn’t have had a thing to talk about.  Now that it’s Week 3 this game is exciting.  Minnesota is stacked and clearly ready to take on anyone while San Fran is coming out from the cold…like right now!

I hope to heck that Brett Favre realizes that he’s along for the ride with Adrian Peterson. [Just an aside, I totally forgotthe other Adrian Peterson is in Chicago…you know, the one that went to Georgia Southern?  What are the odds that two top flight college running backs would go to really great schools{remember that Georgia Southern won 2 Div I-AA titles while Peterson was there} in college and both make it in the NFL?  It still weirds me out a little bit]   The moment he forgets that the Vikings will go on a 3 or 4 game skid {Of course, the worst time for that would be during the playoffs.}  He should also thank his lucky stars that he has Percy Harvin and a monster defense.   Basically, he can just sit pretty, hand off the ball to the best runner in the league, and light up a cigar.  While we’re at it, can we get him a lawn chair?

The 49ers are playing like they mean it.  I still think that Mike Singletary destroys players that don’t play hard and that will serve the 49ers well against Minnesota.  You’ve gottobeonyour toesto beat Minnesota.  Even if Frank Gore runs for another 207 yds this week Shaun Hill is goingto haveto be on his game.  I’m really nervous that the 49er defense won’t be able to hold up against Minnesota’s potent offense.  I can’t pick against the Vikes yet.

MIN – 31   SF – 28

Washington @ Detroit   1 P.M.

Washington and Detroit is the chance.  Detroit hasn’t won in 644 days and this is the end of the streak.  Jim Zorn already got his balls busted by an icon (Sonny Jurgensen) for having a dink and dunk whoop-dee-doop offense and the Lions will take advantage.  Albert Haynesworth is the only good defensive player on the Redskins and we can count on DeAngelo Hall (who steals contract money like my kids steal pretzels from the pantry) to botch at least one coverage and blow a gasket.

Now, I am in no way condoning the Detroit Lions.  Basically, there’s no excuse for them.  The only reason I’m picking them in this game is because the Skins are down and the Lions have a young talented quarterback who can take advantage of a really crappy Defensive Back (DeAngelo Hall) all day if he needs to.  If it weren’t the Skins and it weren’t now (right after the whole Sonny J. telling Jim Zorn he sucks thing) then I would be picking Washington.  In fact, I expect Detroit to go 1-15 and I am going to pick against them in every other game this season…and for only one reason:

Gunther Cunningham

Gunther Cunningham has ruined the Chiefs twice, and basically been a cancer since he became KC’s head coach in 99.  When he ran to Detroit before this season (from Kansas City) he said :

“I’ve gone through three years of playing zone defenses because I was loyal to Herm Edwards.”  ”That’s what he wanted. People here in town knew that I was different than that. My idea is to put a lot of pressure on the quarterback — always has been, always will be.”

So he claimed to be loyal and then stabbed Herm in the back the first chance he got.  He’s never done ANYTHING of note in ANY football league and now he has a chance to coach the only defense that was worse than his own in Kansas City.  If I did my job that badly I wouldn’t keep getting rehired like he does.  If the Lions like losing they need to keep Cunningham around.  Once they get tired of it, they’ll tell him to kick rocks faster than a cop runs to a donut shop.

But for this week, I’ll take the Lions.  I don’t know how, it’s leaving a bad taste in my mouth, but I’m gonna do it.

WAS – 6   DET – 3

Atlanta @ New England   1 P.M.

I’m going to take another HUGE chance here and make some pretty big proclamations. Atlanta is alive!  Tony Gonzalez looks about 28 (even though he’s 33) and at this rate and in this system he can play until he’s 40!  The defensive backfield shake up that Atlanta has gone through was worth it and John Abraham still eats QB’s for breakfast.  Oh, and there’s that Matt Ryan guy, he’s ok too ;o)

New England, on the other hand, is hitting a downturn.  They needed an incredibly stupid returner to give them the Buffalo game and they got straight up beat by the Jets. Tom Brady all of the suddent lookslike Drew Bledsoe and now we see that they weren’t warming up with Buffalo…they got lucky.

Tedy Bruschi retired, they traded Richard Seymour, Adam Vinatieri left (Notice how they haven’t a title without him?  And they say kickers don’t matter!), people are still making jokes about them losing the Super Bowl to the Giants, they missed the playoffs last year, and now it’s looking down.  It can’t get much worse for them, except when they lose at home to the Falcons.  Tom Brady’s not the new guy anymore:  Matt Ryan is.  Oh, and Matt Ryan is coming for you Tom.

ATL – 21   NE – 14

New Orleans @ Buffalo   4:05 P.M.

New Orleans can score. Buffalo’s not too bad, but they’re not this good.  This is one of those obvious things like “Why do blondes have more fun?” Umm, duh, because they’re blondes!  Why will the Saints win?  Because they’re the Saints and Drew Brees throws for 900 yards in every game.  They have an IDENTITY.  If only every team had one, this would be alot easier!

NO – 45   BUF – 14

Chicago @ Seattle   4:05 P.M.

These two teams can’t make up their minds.   Chicago loses to Denver…eewww, Denver, then they beat the Steelers.  Seattle beats the Rams (not hard) and then they lose to the 49ers (who I still thought they should’ve beaten.)

I think the decision has been partially made.  Matt Hasselbeck is doubtful for Sunday’s game.  All they have left are Mike Teel and Seneca Wallace.  Yeah, that’s a problem.

I truly believe Jay Cutler is a Pro-Bowler, he just needs to stop whining.  If he plays like he did against the Steelers then the Bears FINALLY feel like they got a good deal.  I think he will.  Besides, on Seattle’s side no Hasselbeck = No winning.

CHI – 24   SEA – 6

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati   4:15 P.M.

Do I really need to preview this game.  Raise your hand if you think Cincinnati even has a prayer.  {Crickets}  Anyone.  Anyone.  Bueller.  Bueller.  Bueller.  Bueller…

PIT – 28   CIN – 0

Miami @ San Diego

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the Dolphins, they just aren’t quite as good as Atlanta.  I do think there’s something wrong with San Diego.

Norv Turner.  In 12 years as a Head Coach he 81-98-1.  They fired Marty Schottenheimer (205-139-1) for this guy.  Really?  I still don’t get it.  Why couldn’t he have gotten smart and stayed in Dallas with Dave Wannstedt.  Do those two idiots realize that they had as much to do with those 3 Super Bowl wins as Jimmy Johnson did?  They could have hired me to coach the Cowboys and we would’ve won a Super Bowl with those two coordinating.  They’d be first ballot Hall-of-Famers as coordinators.  But no, Norv had to go an spoil and just bea bad head coach. He hasn’t helped and he’s not helping now.

MIA – 21   SD- 14

Denver @ Oakland   4:15 P.M.

Ok, so since I was making fun of Al Davis the other day I need to continue the Raider-hating.  Denver might not be sooooooooo terrible, but they’re still bad.  I know the Raiders beat the Chefs, but that wasn’t really an accomplishment.  Kyle Orton is a nice little quarterback for Denver and they can at least not be terrible this year if he can stay afloat.  On Sunday he most certainly will.

[I should mention that I thought the Raiders might be improving…but only for like 5 seconds…because then I realized they contended with a pretender and beat a disaster.  That’s not improvement…that’s luck!]

DEN – 21   OAK – 3

Indianapolis @ Arizona   8:20 P.M.

Indy held the ball for 15 minutes and won a game on Monday night.  One day Arizona could do that and the next they wouldn’t be able to get a First Down in 15 minutes.  This game just goes right to a huge question:  Kurt or Peyton.  This is what I wrote before the Super Bowl last year when everyone was hemming and hawing about whether Kurt Warner was a Hall of Famer and the comparisons between him and Peyton Manning:

I called it a toss-up back then[between Kurt and Peyton], but I’m changing my tune.  Peyton Manning is by far the superior player.  He just HAS it and he’ll still have it when he’s Kurt’s age.  Kurt is good, he was once the best player in the league, but Peyton has been the best QB for a long time now and it ain’t changing.  In a battle of the QB’s I’m taking Peyton…plus, his commercials are funny.

IND – 41   ARI – 38

Monday September 28, 2009

Carolina @ Dallas   8:30 P.M.

Carolina stinks and Dallas has a big scoreboard. That was about all I could think of when I read this one on the schedule.  With Tony Dorsett calling out Tony Romo and basically saying he’s a crap player then I have to wonder how long he can take the heat.  (He couldn’t take the heat of dating Jessica Simpson.  Really, how hard is that!?)

Jake Delhomme isn’t going to get any better.  At this point it’s all downhill.  I feel a tie coming.  If I push and they don’t tie I’ll take the loss, but I’m really feeling it right now.

CAR – 14  DAL -14

I'll shut up now...